DeAr TaVbRo
by IndigoRoze
Summary: Gamzee writes a letter to Tavros, admitting red feelings, and giving his side of the story. ((Gam/Tav, Vri/Tav, even if I hate it. Rated M because I'm not sure.))


Dear Tavros,

Where do I start? Where does a motherfucker all up and begin? I've never wrote too many letters, maybe one to my kismesis, but, nothing like this. Naw, bro, you're the first I think. And I just.. Need to get this off my motherfucking blood-pumper. After I found about you and Spidersis, I couldn't keep it down. So I feel like getting all these unmiraculous feelings down on paper. Tavbro.. Do you remember before we played this MOTHERFUCKING GAME? How we acted together? All the throw-downs we had, and how motherfucking _close_ we were? Just how much we'd hang together, and how I was always there for you when that blue-blooded-bitch harassed you? And you were there for me when I tuned out too much? You never got to bothered by that, it looked like. And that made me feel really motherfucking miraculous. I guess my.. Uh... Attention span, or whatever, has gotten a little better and shit. Do you remember when I just ONCE hinted red feelings? JUST MOTHERFUCKING ONCE, I wanted you to know how I felt. I didn't know how to bring it up, and at the time, that sounded right. I know it was stupid. I know **I **was stupid.  
But you just ignored me after that.  
Spent all your time with Vriska, and rarely even trying to help me with my session. I didn't mind it, I barely did shit anyways. I was just in it to have you with me. But no. You ignored me, because just motherfucking once I wanted to tell you that you were the most motherfucking important thing in my life. Better than sopor, faygo, and I would say miracles, but..  
You WERE a miracle. The most precious. And I wanted you to be MY MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE. Please, Tavvie, don't play that I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY game, you had so much time to slip it in, but you never did.  
YOU NEVER MOTHERFUCKING DID.  
YOU COULDN'T EVEN TELL ME "I DON'T HAVE THOSE FEELS"... WHY?  
YOU JUST LEFT ME WONDERING FOR THE LONGEST TIME.  
YOU KNOW WHAT? I DIDN'T EVEN WONDER, EVEN THOUGH I WANNA BE LIKE HAPPY AND SHIT, I KNEW YOU DIDN'T.  
YOU.  
YOU. YOU. YOU.

You drove me _INSANEEEEE_, Tavbro. In-motherfucking-sane. You were perfect, from your beautiful blood, your cute smile, those little motherfucking crinkles in the corner of your eyes you'd get when you'd laugh too hard, mannnn, you had the perfect laugh too. And voice. And stutter. Did I say how I love your hair too? And those HORNNNS brother, I wanted to keep this unsexual, but, I don't regret "accidentally" touching them. Those emotions you'd get over it, flustered and shit. You were amazing in every way.  
And it drove me insane.  
When that Strider kid showed me that STUPID  
MOTHERFUCKING  
VIDEO  
Filled with BLASPHEMY. I needed someone to talk to. I needed someone to tell me it'd be okay. Suddenly, I had motherfucking forgot EVERYTHING you'd ever done, which is nothing, except ignoring me to be with Vriska. I didn't care. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted you to wrap your arms around me, and whisper to me it'd be alright, and we'd figure out what to do. I wanted you to stand on those robotic toes, and kiss me on the jawline. But.. After a few hours of searching, I found you.  
WE'RE YOU SLEEPING, TAV?  
I had held you, you had a weird powder on your face. Something Terezi used for her murder victims. That bitch. YOU WEREN'T DEAD. God, why weren't you sleeping? I didn't notice it at first. I was too stunned to feel your warm umber blood drip on me as I pulled you in the worlds tightest hug. I thought you we're going to comfort me, but, here I was, burying my face in your stiff neck, screaming for you to wake up. So many indigo tears, so much rust blood.  
TAVROS WAKE UP.  
TAVBRO, PLEASE, OPEN YOUR EYES.  
I'M SORRY. I'M SO MOTHERFUCKING SORRY.  
LOOK, PLEASE, JUST.. COME ON, YOU MOTHERFUCKER.  
come on...  
I waited for your eyes to flutter like a butterflies wings, as you murmured a few things, asking me to quiet down.  
YOU NEVER DID.  
I tried reviving you. Maybe it was an excuse to brush my lips over yours finally, but, my main intention was to get you breathing. Tavvie. Why didn't you wake up? I tried my hardest.  
Not that what I do is ever good enough, right?  
RIGHT MOTHERFUCKER? I'm sorry for tearing your head off, too.  
Bluntly.  
I was mad, and you were dead.  
You.  
Were.  
Dead.  
You. Are. Dead.  
I kissed you one more time, and I left, and killed Equius and Nepeta. Strangled one, beat the other motherfucker. Your blood was all so warm and nice. Tavros, do you know why I like your blood so much? And even then it never bothered me you were a lowblood? It's because, if I got everyones blood, and mixed it up, it'd be brown, like yours. Your bloods, like all the motherfucking miracles combined. Heh.  
After ditching Karkat and them. I hate them all, so I don't regret it. I hate everyone there except my moirail. I have a special hate for Terezi, and where she won't kill me.. I'd kill her before pailing with her. Same to Kanaya. THAT MOTHERFUCKING BITCH ACCUSING ME OF NECROPHILIA. I'd kill them both. Sollux I don't care about. His thinkpan can be mush for all I care. So I left, and I looked in countless dream bubbles for you. One time, I met a human named Jane. She kept staring at my codpiece. In all honesty, it was kind of funny. She got flustered a little like you do when I caught her, except she was a bit more violent. During all the time, I kept thinking. Did you love Vriska? Did you want her to be yours? That's why I started doing it. Combining you and her. I thought you'd like it.  
I don't want to think about that.  
So, I kept hopping around in dream bubbles, looking for you after that, using what I had left of your body, maybe I'd put it on your quest bed.. Would you till be Godtier? I don't know. I spent a sweep or two just looking for you. Waiting to see your fluffy mohawk and large horns. Waiting to see you so I could embrace you and be the most capricious clown. It took so motherfucking long, but I found you.  
And you had a matesprit.  
You had a motherfucking matesprit. Vriska. OF ALL THE MOTHERFUCKERS, WHY HER? She beat, harassed, and killed you. She's the reason Terezi's my kis-sis. I wanted to kill Vri for killing you, but that tealblood killed her, so I was mad at her, for killing Vri, for killing you. And there you were, looking for some stupid ring, and being lovey-dovey with her. Why?  
Why, Tavros, why?  
Heh.. You remember when Vriska and that Meenah girl or whatever were arguing? And everyone was running around? I found that ring. It's very motherfucking nice. I swallowed it. I know, weird, right? Fetch Modus is being kind of motherfucking flippy. So, I swallowed it. Didn't need you finding it. Would you REALLY be happy with her? I don't care at this point. Tavvie, I went through so much for you. And I feel like I have the right to be greedy with you. Even though you hate me now. I still loved you.  
So, some time passes, and a green-motherfucker I tried to help shoots me. It felt weird. All these small shots going through me, but I had almost experienced death several times. I lay there as he left, thinking _'Maybe now I'll die, and see him, maybe even tell a motherfucker the feels I have.' _But nope. I'm not dead. I follow him, and try to help him, and get beat more and more.  
It hurts so much.  
Tav.. When are you going to come and comfort me?  
I'm still waiting.  
I am laying on the ground, looking for a sign of you. My head hurts a bit. Can you come and help me out? Even if you hate me, and never want to see me again. Little own love me. I don't know if you'll even ever see this. But.. Maybe you will. I hope so.  
Please...  
Tavros...  
I motherfucking love you.  
I still love you.  
I always will.

Signed, Gamzee

P.S.  
}:o)

* * *

A/N** I'm sorry. I had to. Unedited letter, because Gamzee never edits his letters. And I can't stay in character that long.  
Have a nice day.  
*waves*  
((Perhaps one day I'll make a letter from Tavros))  
P.S. I know there's past-tense, and all the sudden present-tense.  
How does that make you feel.  
**


End file.
